Happy White Lotus Sunday to all those who celebrate! As I try to go about my day pretending that I’m not just counting down the seconds until 9pm ET, I can’t help but wonder what White Lotus would look like if it were set in India. 

Mike White, if you're reading, give me a call.

My favorite White Lotus conspiracy theory by far is that there will be seven seasons, each one based on one of the seven deadly sins. 

The first season, set in Maui, is based on greed. Shane constantly demands a better room, Rachel stays with Shane for his luxurious lifestyle, Belinda eyes Tanya’s fortune for her own business, and Paula steals $75,000 worth of jewelry from the Mossbacher safe. The idea of greed here is magnified through the lens of colonialism, portraying the wealthy resort-goers as colonizers in their own right.

The second season in picturesque Taormina oozes lust. From the tangled relationships between Harper & Ethan and Daphne & Cameron, to Lucia and Mia’s escapades, and even the "Testa di Moro" motifs used to signify forbidden relationships. The sin ends up being deadly for Tanya, a recurring character from season one played by the iconic Jennifer Coolidge. 

Though our information on season three is limited to one episode, online theories predict gluttony as this season’s sin. Mike White has made it clear that season three highlights spirituality in eastern cultures. In Buddhism, the most popular religion in Thailand, gluttony is considered to distract individuals from mindfulness, perpetuating the cycle of attachment and suffering. Examples of gluttony from season three so far include Chelsea asking for more wine at dinner, Victoria’s seemingly alarming consumption of drugs, and the Ratliff family turning down a chance to be separated from their phones. I totally see guests gluttonously over-indulging in fancy spa treatments throughout the season in liu of pursuing true mental refresh while at the resort. 

The sins we have left to work with for future seasons are: envy, sloth, wrath, and pride. 

Presenting: Pride as the Fourth Sin. 

Pride is synonymous with self-importance and arrogance, leading to feelings of superiority. Not only is India a visually vibrant and culturally complex country to navigate, but the dynamics between different classes, castes, religions, languages, and even dynamics between NRIs (Non-Resident Indians) and locals can be riddled with pride.

Given the rise in popularity of the big fat Indian wedding, and the splashy Anant Ambani & Radhika Merchant wedding making international headlineslast year, White Lotus in Season Four could be the destination-wedding site of our dreams. Weave in a murder, wealthy foreigners, and a little Bollywood flair, and you have a smash hit waiting to happen. 

Location: Four Seasons Mumbai

Sticking with the partnership between White Lotus and Four Seasons, the perfect location would be Four Seasons Mumbai. The Ambani wedding was also in Mumbai, and Bombay is often the site of extreme class divides between Bollywood’s biggest players and some of the largest slums in India. 

Turns out, Four Seasons doesn’t have many locations in India. This makes sense considering the multitude of luxury chains that already exist nationwide. If I could make my pitch for any other hotel being the site of White Lotus season four it would be Oberoi Udaivilas in Udaipur. The iconic Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani wedding took place here, and this seems to be the destination wedding location of every NRI’s dreams (including mine)!

The Plot

I envision an NRI family coming back to India to celebrate their prodigal son’s wedding. Despite being desi, the groom will know nothing about India and is being pressured into doing an Indian wedding by his parents. The entire family seems to take pride in the fact that they do not associate with Indian culture back home in the U.S. 

The bride will not be Indian, but will be going out of her way to learn the traditional customs of the wedding she is taking part in. She takes pride in her appearance, which is conveniently particularly celebrated as the beacon of white-beauty standards in India.

The couple’s American friends will all be on-site, each holding pride in being the “closest” friend to the happy couple. The groom’s wealthy father’s business clients are attending, prideful of the fact that they are scheming the father out of billions of dollars in a shady business deal while being treated to an exotic vacation at a beautiful wedding. Each guest’s pride is connecting with their downfall.

Clashes between the guests, who, for the most part don’t know each other, are rife. The business clients clash with the bride, who keeps interfering in their affairs because she suspects wrongdoing. The friends clash with the parents, who feel the friends are distracting their son from his wedding weekend.

Meanwhile, the staff at the wedding are struggling to make ends meet. The manager of the hotel takes pride in being able to morph into one with the ultra wealthy guests at his resort, without realizing the ignorant personality he ultimately adopts. One staff member takes pride in feeling closely connected to her culture, something she does not see in the resort-goers. But she feels too proud to take advantage of the opportunities offered to her at work. 

Season four of White Lotus has the potential to explore how pride interferes with full spiritual alignment, delaying true happiness. And a dramatic, larger than life Indian Wedding is the perfect place to explore these sins.

The Dream Cast

• Dev Patel as the groom. Obviously. 

• Sabrina Carpenter as the bride. She would rock a wedding lengha. 

• Priyanka Chopra Jonas as a friend of the couple, secretly having an affair with the groom.

• Hasan Minhaj as the manager of this White Lotus. He has an eccentric quality to him that would be perfect for this role. 

• Karan Brar as a staff member. We need to bring Karan back on TV. 

• Brenda Song as friend of the couple. She will stir up drama for sure. 

• Kieran Culkin as a client of the father. He already has the rich, entitled act down.