“Help! I’m turning into my parents!” is a canon event that people around the world simply can’t seem to avoid. Though turning into your parents is typically harmless, many South Asians living in the U.S. have adopted similar, traditional mindsets on mental health as their parents. They are often encouraged to embrace their strength and connect deeper with their family in challenging times rather than seeking out help. 

In her article for FindAPsychologist.org, Dr. Jyothsna Bhat, PsyD described having South Asian therapy patients tell her “I can’t tell my parents about this,” “There’s no such thing as depression, it’s just all in your head,” and “I should be able to be okay. This is a sign of weakness.”

South Asia holds a traditionally collectivist mindset, and leaning on community for resilience or powering through tough times is common. When combined with the individualistic mindset in the United States and other Western countries, this causes a lot of conflict. 

Therapy has become increasingly sought after in younger generations since the pandemic. 55% of Gen Z and Millennials have been to therapy, and 90% of Gen Z and Millennials think that more Americans should go to therapy. 

Meanwhile, a study by UCLA Health found that Asian Americans are 50% less likely to seek mental health services compared to other racial groups. There are several reasons for this. 

Longstanding cultural stigma surrounding mental health often stunts discussions about mental health, and seeking help is viewed as weak.

Generations of ancestors in South Asian communities have faced trauma in immigration, finances, and physical safety without access to mental health care, leading to generations of repression. Additionally, Asian Americans represent a little over 10% of the current workforce of therapists. This number is low, and does not capture the culturally-sensitive needs that come with mental health in the South Asian community. 

South Asian American specific struggles

The struggles of South Asian Americans often arise in extremely hyper-specific conditions. There’s a common feeling of not being American enough or South Asian enough. Not quite belonging in either world. With little positive media representation of the in-between experience, there is very little that feels relatable. 

Moreover, the constant contradiction of Western versus South Asian values can be challenging and daunting to navigate. Growing up straddling two moral compasses and defining your own world-view is an entirely different experience, as is identifying the version of yourself that can exist with both. 

Intergenerational trauma can be passed down from one generation to the next, often beginning in our grandparents’ generation with the Partition of India, Sri Lankan Civil War, South Asian expulsion from East Africa, and many other consequential historical events. Witnessing domestic violence or experiencing abuse also contribute to intergenerational trauma. 

Trauma impacts the way our brains process information. Due to the normalization of suffering and lack of conversation around the effects, the trauma itself not only passes down between generations in how we treat each other, but also manifests in codependent relationships and extreme guilt around familial relationships. 

Sahaj Kohli founded Brown Girl Therapy in 2019. With over 244,000 followers on Instagram, Kohli’s posts are geared towards children of South Asian immigrants. She focuses on topics such as “thriver’s guilt,” which feels like “mental health impostor syndrome… We are convinced that our parents and our elders went through something worse, so therefore our struggles don’t feel as valid.”

Meanwhile, stereotypes such as being highly-skilled, hardworking, math-geniuses, exotic, or dirty are often projected onto South Asians. These stereotypes make many South Asian Americans feel at odds with themselves, and living up to the “model minority” myth is unrealistic. 

Why culturally-sensitive care is different

A South Asian seeing a South Asian therapist is especially helpful because the therapist is more likely to understand cultural nuances, such as stigma, value or identity conflicts, generational trauma, thriver’s guilt, and stereotypes. They are also able to provide advice based on cultural context, such as family dynamics and societal expectations.

Building trust and rapport might be easier with someone who shares a cultural background with you, especially when opening up about deep, traumatic issues. 

Personally, I have found that being able to use words in my family’s language (Hindi) for family members such as grandma, grandpa, or aunt and uncle have made it easier and more comfortable to discuss these topics. 

Being able to meander on long, tangential discussions about Bollywood has also been extremely helpful in breaking the ice! (I really wish I was kidding). 

How you can find a South Asian Therapist

1. SouthAsianTherapists.org

This interactive tool represents licensed therapists from around the United States and allows you to filter by region and multiple South Asian languages. The website itself also has many helpful blogs and advice for South Asians considering therapy, and other mental health tools. 

2. ZocDoc

Though ZocDoc is a more general tool and will not allow you to filter for South Asians specifically, it is a good way to ensure you are finding an in-network therapist (if this is important to you - you can save a ton of money this way) that matches your availability and is in your city. 

3. Gaya Therapy (NY only)

Gaya utilizes a method specific to the South Asian experience, however they do not accept insurance and only accept patients in New York. Their blog also features many interesting reads about South Asian mental health.